First, I must be slipping, because it almost didn't occur to me to blog this...
I was at a toy store with MPC1, who's 11, and I go over to the register that a teenage guy (probably about 16) just opened.
They have a winged pig on a string flying in circles over the area.
My daughter says, "Jeez, Dad, that pig has almost hit you in the face a few times!"
And I said, "Oh, I've taken pigs to the face before" (riffing on the famous line from Scary Movie 4 which you can see here if you missed it - it's near the end of the trailer).
The teenage clerk had about 5 distinct reactions. At first he just looked at me while his mind was trying to grasp the fact that I had actually said that. In front of my daughter, no less (and it sailed right over her head, as it should, and I knew it would).
So I said (thrilled), "I never thought I'd have an opportunity to use that line!"
So, he giggled in spite of himself. Then he blushed. Hard. Then he looked around guiltily at anyone else who might've heard it to see their reactions. Then he laughed again and just shook his head.
I'm sure I made his week.
Funny stuff from http://www.bash.org
#829456
<TB> I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Life Line.
<TB> I reached a call center in Pakistan.
<TB> I told them I was suicidal.
<TB> They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck
#823214
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
More funny stuff from http://qdb.us/
#118151
(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . .
#96097
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha
Comment: This actually happened.
#369
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
#61349
<SenioR> whahahah fravec! I fucked your mother!!
<@Fravec> Dad, buzz off, I'm talking to friends here...
Comment: never teach your dad how to use IRC
#12431
<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
Finally, I liked this recent run in the great "Non Sequitur" by Wiley Miller:
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