Friday, January 25, 2008

Pickin' and Grinnin' on Religion

Lotsa fun stuff happening in the world of religion lately.

First, we have variant versions of the Quran popping up, which by definition can't exist.

Y'see, it's supposed to be the direct word of Allah, so if there are different versions of the same thing, either one's not true, or someone made the whole thing up! (ahem)

For the record, that was the thing that got Rushdie in so much trouble: fictionalizing an event that supposedly really happened where one of the scribes changed the words that the big M had spoken, and when he read the changed version back for verification, got M's blessing on it being correct. Which implies M just made it all up.

Moslems maintain two primary things about the Quran: 1) it's the actual word of Allah rather than a diluted, second-hand collection of misreported stories like the Bible, 2) proof that it's true is the fact that the poetry in which it's framed is so good that only Allah could've been the author.

So, if an old copy of a Robert Frost poem cropped up where he stopped by the woods on a rainy evening, well that would make all the difference. 'Specially if said poem was supposed to be from God's own lips.

You can almost smell the Jihad from here.

I personally don't consider Scientology a religion any more than I believe paint randomly thrown at a canvas to be art - even if they managed to convince the govt. they are (in both cases). But Scientologist think they belong a religion rather than an elaborate monetary scam, so I put this stuff here in a religion post, just to attempt to avoid being "fair game" (assuming the above note doesn't get me fatwa'd first).

Behold: the beginning of their self-destruction that began this historic week:

First, what started it all: this great video of Tom Cruise that betrays how, oh ... pffft, zing!, HAHAHAHA!, right in there! ... freakin' vapid he is. Scientology immediately jumped on to take it down claiming it was copyrighted material, which of course caused it to be put on about every video service there is.

Here's a little lexicon to decode the Scientology gobbledygook Tom's spewing out of the very large hole in his head.

Then came the spoofs:

Then came the "Anonymous" war:

Is it me, or does this remind you of that truly creepy "transmission from the future" in the otherwise silly Prince of Darkness, too?

Then came the call in Britain to actually go harass a Scientology "church".

If that hasn't been enough fun, the Gawker is having a lot of sport with this.

Wonder if we'll see Scientology sink to the bottom of the cult pond in our lifetimes. They do wear nifty sailor costumes in all of their enclaves, so it appears they're prepared.

I LOVE this response to one of your basic atheist twits who equate believing in God with guaranteeing the destruction of the planet and all humankind. How someone can claim to be a brainiac yet draw that dubious conclusion astounds me. If they can make such specious leaps in logic, can you really trust their scientific abilities, ya wonder? (Though I have to admit at being impressed with their gift for delusional hyperbole.)

Finally, let's take a whack or two at my beliefs.

Speaking of hyperbole, this honestly made me snicker inside a little bit.

Let's give this a try, shall we?


The act where one animal inserts their excretory organ, which is engorged with blood, into another animal's body cavity, that is also an excretory organ which is lubricated via viscous secretions of bodily fluids that have a pungent odor, and then moves it back and forth until globs of gelatinous secretions are expelled, which contain millions of tiny things that are swimming. Grunting, moaning, and screaming are sometimes involved. Sounds like fun!



Where the reproductive fluids of chickens are removed from their crushed container and heated until they solidify, served with the crushed innards of a citrus seed pod, and a slice of wheat combined with an organism that literally farts itself to death, baked until spongy, then toasted until it's brittle, and smeared with the melted viscous product of mammary glands that has been combined with a mineral and stirred so long it has coagulated. Yummy!

Finally, this is only obliquely, tangentially related, but I caught the tail end of a Simpson's episode where a main plot point was Flander's boy climbing one of the climbing walls, and as the episode ends we pan up to heaven to see his deceased mom and God watching him.

Bob Hope walks up and says, "I haven't seen climbing like that since Dudley Moore married Susan Anton."

The Simpson's haven't gotten a laugh out of me like that in a while.

Then God says to Bob, "I don't know why I waited 100 years to get you up here!"

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