Scary movie.

I went to see The Ring alone in the theatres (it's on DVD now). It was the middle of a cold day. I was feeling kinda achy, a little crabby, definitely not in a mood to be shaken up. I thought the movie would be a typical modern horror film, not very scary, perhaps with a goopy monster and a couple soundtrack-induced "boo" moments - the thunderous note that augments a surprise on the screen.

It starts out creepily enough. Which is nice. So many movies can't do "creepy" it seems. Then the first shock came, replete with the "boo" note. Scared the hell out of me. I jumped. I think I snorted, too. I got goose bumps all over, which are even more unpleasant on a cold, achy day. Had I been holding my drink, I would have popped it, geysering it onto the people two rows down from me (which reminds me of another story*). My fight-or-flight mechanism had returned a vote of full confidence to beat feet to a warm, well-lighted place, preferably somewhere they serve beer. I seriously considered leaving the movie - a first since I was seven years old and a Harryhausen animated monster came a little close to those things that chased me in those nightmares where you run in slow-motion terror as the beast's claws touch your neck. Besides, my wife lives for these moments of sheer spazitude "well developed flight response" of mine, so why not share this with her? Well, after consulting my pride's thoughts on the matter, I stayed. I haven't had that much fun being frightened to death in a long time. Go. Rent it this weekend.

Yeah, yeah, we all have those mutant friends which no movie scares - they will say it's only funny. Well, they used to pick the wings off flies, too, so let's not use their psyche as a yardstick for anything, k? The results are messy when someone considers Tyler Durden a role model.

*Another story: I had a girlfriend in high school who reflexively threw an entire large coke at the screen during Jaws when the head floated out of the hull-hole at Richard Dreyfuss. It broke open and showered the eight rows in front of us, which nearly caused a full-fledged panicked dash for the exits theatre tragedy. Imagine: you are confronted with one of the scariest things ever seen on the screen to date, it's an underwater scene in THE shark movie, and suddenly a wave of cold fluid splashes across the back of your head. The wave of people scurrying for the aisle looked like the result of that childhood science class experiment where you cover the surface of a pot of water with pepper and then touch the surface with a bar of soap. Nearly everyone got to the aisle before their "wait a minute" sanity check kicked in and reminded them they were in a theatre, and not in scuba gear. My girl friend just waved at them with that smile of hers, and this was back before common courtesy died its ugly public death, so they just waved back and sat down. When we went to "Raiders of the Lost Ark," she was the only one laughing at German dialog (her dad had fled Nazi Germany), so we got some odd looks, then, too. We didn't last beyond that year - nothing to do with the movies, though. She became a black belt in Tai Quon Do, has two kids and a hubby, in case you're curious.

If you're not in the mood for a good scare, see About a Boy. THE best movie released last year, end of discussion.

I love the movies. I really do.