The Five Stages iPod
(Based on Kubler-Ross' five stages of death/grieving/Receiving Catastrophic News.)
With the advent of the iPod, many folks are rediscovering the joy of listening to a wide variety of music wherever they may roam, since radio gave up on the idea a few years ago.
Generally, this is a great thing. If the music companies weren't being so brain-dead, they'd realize the market has never been riper for reaping, but instead, as we all know, they're trying to place everything in a vault that you have to unlock every time you wanna hear "Build Me Up, Buttercup." And if you dare make a mix tape (or the modern equivalent) for your sweetheart, they'll fine you more money than you'd ever pay in your lifetime for music, and lock you in a dungeon so deep, the only thing you'll be able to hear is the mental echo of "Sympathy for the Devil."
Well, while the labels are trying to close the box and find out who this Pandora chick is anyway, the rest of us are just grooving along. Finally, we all own the best freakin' FM station in the nation.
However, I've noticed a pattern of acclimation. I went through it. I read about it on blogs. It appears to be common.
The five stages of iPod are:
1. The Thrill of Discovery - Oh My Gawd! I haven't heard the Oooga Chackas on "Hooked on a Feeling" in forever! Ooo! and "More Than a Feeling" still gets it up! Wow! Is that Billy Joel throwing up near the end of "My Life"? How in the hell did I end up with Wayne Newton's version of "Iron Man"?
2. Organization Frenzy - I can't have "Snack My Bitch Up" popping up when I drive the kids to school. If the guys heard any of my Barry Manilow Live set, I'd never hear the end of it. The Bee Gee's "Tragedy" ALWAYS has to follow "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" dammit.
3. Complacent Groovin' - Man, I had the iPod on through the entire grocery store, and the commute, and during that phone call from my mother-in-law. Life is grand.
4. The Stephen King Principle or You Can Only Hear "Louie Louie" So Many Times - No, I Won't Still Love You Tomorrow, and that goes for Carole as well as the Shirelles, dammit! How come that song comes up every freakin' day? As hard as it is to believe, I've come to hate "Blister in the Sun" so I won't let it go on.
5. Fresh Meat - I hadn't appreciated the latter oeuvre of Natalie Merchant until now. And that box set of Bulgarian Wind Chimes is quite pleasant on a Sunday morning. How come I've never heard of David Wilcox until now?
And there you have it.
What stage are you in? Or do you have stages not captured here?
2 comments:
My iPod stages went like this:
1. Price Panic: Thanks for the iPod, honey, but we can't afford it! Oh, the credit card company gave you free prize points in exchange for your not pursuing those questionable extra charges? And you bought it with those? Well that's okay then.
2. The Last Ten Years Vanish: Hooray! I can listen to all my cool music again, just like I did in the days before Wee Sing tapes! Gosh I haven't heard Bono missing notes on Boy in ages.
3. The Reality of Child Neglect: Turns out that you can't hear the little one screaming when you have Shonen Knife cranked. When am I going to get to use this thing?
4. Everything is Absorbed into Homeschooling: Now my iPod mostly contains recordings of Shakespearian drama, the Iliad and Odyssey, and medieval recordings from BYU's Chaucer Project, so I can plug it into the tape deck and Offspring #1 can carschool when we run errands. Sigh.
Y'know, I don't listen to books on tape (er, iPod) that much anymore, but I bet that is a huge new untapped market.
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